Jamie's blog

Last week I got a message from the Sand in your Eye Team.  This is great as I didn’t even write it.

“So have your balls dropped yet?”  This was the question Andy Firth asked of me when I was just thirteen years old, it was my first week at the Big School.  In that first week I had auditioned to be in the school play for a performance called Blood Brothers and had somehow landed a great part of the younger Mickey.  I at that time was very small for my age, very skinny and very ginger, a recipe for disaster.  Fortunately I also had quite a good singing voice which kind of saved my skin in this hard nosed comprehensive city school called Butter Shaw Upper.

Andy’s reference to my balls was a very direct way of making a comment about my voice and physical maturity, half jest to the fact that I was still very much just a boy and half compliment as my singing back then was quite something.  I never really knew how to answer this question that Andy seemed to always ask me, but I knew it was just a gentle brotherly jibe.  You see, he had got the part of Mickey as well but at an older age, we were playing one and the same person.  Andy at this time was in his final year at school, five years older than me; dashing, tall, blond, and with all the girls swooning over him.  He looked out for me in that first year and when ever he saw me again afterwards he would always ask: “So have your balls dropped yet?”

During my final year at school I landed the part of the Dentist in the musical ‘Little Shop of Horrors’  I by this time was very comfortable in the school and was no longer short with high voice, although still very ginger. I had spent many a good year performing in the school plays which set me out with fantastic memories and the wonderful tool of self confidence which is indispensible in public environments .  In this final play I performed as the character of a masochistic womaniser and took great pleasure in thrusting my PVC clad pelvis in front of 300 people every other minute to their horror.  My unfortunate sidekick was Helen Tidswell who played a nurse.  We had to perform an evocative salsaesque dance to show just how sexy I was.  My balls were in fine order by this stage.

It is some years on now, and Andy and Helen now have a family together.  At this moment the three of us are sat eating Fish and Chips, our most glorious and world famous British cuisine that outclasses any Oyster dish.  The occasion is our weekly meeting to discuss the Sandinyoureye world, as Andy and Helen are now very much part of it. You see, they have agreed to help me run my modest business which will reduce the rattling that often goes off in my overcrowded brain.  When someone makes an enquiry, Helen answered it in her husky tones which varies depending on whether she has been singing that weekend.  When a sand drawing needs to be done, then Andy the Grid King takes over.  I am extremely lucky, as not only are they great at what they do, but I trust them implicitly from our performance days.  This is harder to come by than any shiny orange metal.

So to Helen and Andy, welcome and may we enjoy!

Jamie

I lay there in the snow on my back a little bit worse for ware.  It is 1am and I have been well and truly Finned, my attempt to walk home has encountered a temporary glitch in that I have made it no further than across the road before having to lie down.  This is my second attempt at walking home but the last time I forgot my camera and with great effort had to walk back and get it. ‘Being Finned’ is what the Finnish do to each other on a regular basis, and what they take great delight in doing to foreigners.

As I lay there I began to make a snow angel but then the effort exhausted me.  The main culprit of my situation comes over the road to look at me.  “Jamie, what are you doing in the snow?”  Tero is a delightful chap and the head electrician of the snow castle.  He is such a friendly guy and said that I have always a place to stay if ever I want to come here on a vacation, anytime.  “Yeeees, Jamie, in Finland we get very nervous when people lie in the snow…. because they die.”  Fair point, it was -14.  Still, lying in soft snow is a very seductive pleasure when you just want to go to sleep.  But as Tero pointed out, in Finland that could be for a very long time.

“Yeees, Jamie, I almost forgot, I brought something to show you.”  This was Tero an hour earlier and I am a bit worried as he goes out of the room to fetch what I know to be some instrument of torture.  We had all been celebrating the finishing of the snow castle.  They had had fireworks galore and a choir opening  with “We’re walking in the air” from the snowman, and then somehow merging into “we will rock you” by Queen, and many of their other hits.  Slightly bizarre, but everyone was rather merry I think and thoroughly enjoyed it; I for one was singing at the top of my voice which can be rather loud.    Tero comes back into the room brandishing a bottle of clear liquid.  I was by this stage already feeling a little delicate.  I had made a mistake of sitting in amongst a circle of Finns.  Even though everyone already had a drink in hand, they proceeded to crack open a bottle of whiskey and then pass it round the circle until it was finished.  Peer pressure at its best.  The bottle wasn’t finished before it got to me and so I had to have a second round.  Taavi, who is the project manager of the snow castle grinned at me broadly and then introduced me to the next seven bottles.  So when I saw Tero sat next to me with his clear liquid who’s name I do not remember, I was a little worried.  Let’s just call it 80% as it is those innocent numbers that are burned in my mind.  Tero beamed as he took the cap off, taking a healthy swig and then offering over to me.  Not one to offend I took the bottle knowing too well that this was the end of my night and gulped back what can only be described as acid on fire.  I took it the best I could but began to choke, fortunately the 6^th bottle of whiskey was making a round and I grabbed the bottle to wash down the fire, gulping at it like water.  I have never thought that I would use whiskey to do such a thing.  Anti was so impressed that he then did the same pronouncing that “this is very bad” after a gulp of 80%, and then “this is OK” after the whiskey.

So you can forgive me for wanting to go to sleep in the snow.  Luckily, Kimmo and Tero got me on my feet and I ambled home to the hotel, only to dance for an hour to some blues band to clear my head.

And today I go to Sweden to see some friends who I haven’t seen for some years.  Oh dear.

My unlikely riding partner is a thick set man with a full head of curly hair, he is Anti from Rome, Italy.   Anti is all togged up in a jump suite and me in my sculpting gear.  I have done this once before and remember that you can get pretty cold, especially whilst sat as a passenger on the sled.  But in this case, I was going to get a go at driving.

Our guide shipped us into the middle of nowhere, snow blanketing the ground and bending the trees, a mixture of whites and greys with a pink tint in the sky of the early morning.  And then the barking.

“They know that they are going to run.”  This was our guide Ula, a round faced Finn, quite plump but as I would learn exceptionally fit.  The barking grew even more intense as we approached, Ula then stopped us at a rickety looking sled on the path way.  “I will show you how to use the sled here so that you can here what I’m saying.”  This was a good call as an eruption of howling filed the crystal air.  “To turn the sled lean from side to side like with skis.  The most important thing is that for the first 500 meters to use the break as the dogs really want to run, they will calm down after a while.  And if you stop do not take your foot of the break as the dogs will just leave you.”  Stranded in the arctic tundra with an Italian, I think we would have managed somehow.

We walked to the dogs who greeted us with joyous barks, “they are very friendly, you can stroke them if you like.”  I took the queue and went to greet each of my faithful companions so long as I stayed on the sled.  These are very handsome dogs, real huskies with their blue eyes, but they wanted to get going and were not so interested in my greetings, so before we knew it we were on the sled, Anti ready to drive first and the dogs bouncing all over the place ready to run, tugging on the reigns, urging the brake to be released.

And released it was, we shifted like a bullet out of a barrel but with total silence; dogs do not bark when they run, but they do like to shit a lot and have seemingly mastered it on the move, some dragging their bums on the floor to help things along, occasionally taking in a gulp of snow to quench their thirst or cool down.

After we took a corner and then fell off the sled it seemed a good time for me to have a go.  The dogs do not like to stop and are so eager to move, ready to leave you stranded.  I wonder how far they would run without us.  After Anti had safely got himself seated I took my foot off the break and we sped forward with silent speed again, it is the opposite to motor travel, the faster you go the more quiet it is.  Occasionally you need to take your weight off the sled and run to help the dogs up a hill, and then hold on tight when you go down it at speed, taking care to learn into the corners and shout “Mush!  Good dogs now and again.”  I’m not sure you had to say that but I enjoyed it anyway.  Once past the hills we were on the flats again where you could take in the glorious scenery and contemplate that right now it is just us and the dogs and the crunching of snow under the sled.  The smell of poo was a little distracting.

We travelled 20km in total and warmed up with a hot drink in the tepee by the fire, the smoke spiraling upwards.  Here I saw an old dog come out of the shadows who had a rather regal manner about her and natural authority.   She strode up to me, pelt black and white, blue eyes looking straight at me.  She was the Alpha female Nina, head of all the dogs and I think Ula’s favourite, a companion of 12 years and still sometimes running, but only with Ula.

I just got in and can feel the frost still nipping at my cheeks.  Yesterday there was a storm here and although it was only -8 we had to walk against the wind on our way to work it was so strong.  The Finns call this ice hotel ‘Lumillina’ which means ’snow castle.’ This was never more appropriate than yesterday as the wind battered against the ramparts but protected those who were inside which was all of our team on the decision of Kimmo.  The only sign of the tempest outside was the stricken faces of those coming in from the blizzard outside and of the cold wind blowing through the tunnels.  For the past few days I’ve been making some jewelry and chess pieces, one of which is noticeably phallic; refer to the photographs.  My task for yesterday however was to make a necklace as the doorway to the gallery.  My eyes were streaming with tears as I was blasted by the tunneling wind against me, two hours in and I noticed that my chin was freezing as my beard gathered the frost.  Time to put on my balaclava from Timo.

“Tomorrow Jamie, I need you to go outside.”  This was the harsh news from Kimmo as we enjoyed a few drinks with the international students last night.  I was going to work on another ice wall inside but it seems that we have quite a lot to do on the exterior, ie, make the bricks of the castle.  I soon absorbed the sobering news with a stiff drink, but was then abashed when the French student that just sat next to me glared at me and said:

“I ‘ait the Inglish.”  This was later followed by such remarks as “The Inglish are so stupid and pretentious.”  But do not worry, I gave as good as I got.  In fact I would say I had the upper hand until a Scottish girl joined in the conversation laying claim to an old alliance of the 13th centuary.  There was also an Irish lad which could have sealed the deal against me, but then he was Ginger like me which is a bond almost as thick as blood.  Together, we made a front against the Franco Scottish alliance and held firm.  The French girl Nina informed me that back home they called us ‘Roast Beef’ and this morning said “So ‘ow is Rost beef doing?”

“Fine thank you.  Now be a good Frog and hop along,”  I replied.  She took it in the best possible way.

The storm had passed by this morning but the temperature had dropped to -22 with wind and I was to be outside with Jukke Likealickalot.  The hairs in my nose didn’t freeze but my eyes watered and my eyelashes began to freeze up again.  I did however get to play with my old toy of last year the ‘moon walker’.  This is an mobile extendable arm that is the worst nightmare of anyone suffering from vertigo as it can go so high and is rather unsteady as the small cage you are in is shaking from side to side.  It also occasionally panics and begins to beep at you uncontrollably with red lights flashing so that you know that it is unsteady on its wheels and in danger of tipping over.  This would be a rather unfortunate incident, especially as I am carrying chainsaw and sharp chisels in my cage which I would like to add are now very, very sharp thanks to the wisdom of Uldis Zarins (www.artofuldis.com).

So tomorrow is our last working day and we have a lot to do.  I need to stay off the celebrations a little though as I am going husky sledding on Saturday morning which will be simply divine.  I cannot wait for that!  But until then I will enjoy the vast panoramic views of frozen Finland from the birds eye view of my moon walker.  And make some bricks.

Cheerio for now

Jamie.

So here we are at the Ice Hotel in Kemi Finland. I’m one of the lucky ones as I’ve so far spent all my time inside my snow tunnel sheltered from the wind. Juha came by yesterday and complained that he had frostbite on his cheek from the wind as he’s been working outside most of the time. I just laughed but then offered my balaclava as a concerned after thought; he declined being a macho Finn. There is a lot of testosterone here, it is all men and everyone is yielding a chainsaw or some other sort of dangerous machine. The guys with the large chainsaws look pretty cool, but I think it must be the huge digger that has the final say, I would not want to mess with that. When we are walking around the site we have to wear a flashing head torch so that they can see us. There is one machine that is particularly daunting, this is the tractor that has a rotovator on the front, which churns up the snow and then spits it out onto the forms to make the snow walls. We were joking earlier in the sauna that if you got caught up in that your flashing head torch could be mistaken for a shooting star; quite a spectacular final farewell.

I’ve so far made a poster and a printing press and was today with my old friend Sergey from Russia who is making a Sibelius scene. Tomorrow I am in the snooker room making a bit of furniture. In the making of the hotel there is the construction team with the big machines and ideas, and then there is our small team of six who are like interior designers. We help make it look pretty. Until tomorrow.

Jamie

Today was the last day to finish our sculptures.  I cut away the snow with a blunt chainsaw to make the last sections of my nest whilst the other guys made all their finishing touches before the end of the competition at 2pm.  It is always a bit of a rush on the last day, there is often much more work to do than you first realise, especially with ice continuing to form on my eyelashes.   But we all got there, me having to do a little run now and again to warm up my hands which were freezing because of all the slush I was having to make.

Aside from the competition my mission for the day was to get a photo of Santa on his quad bike and to have a go at riding a snow mobile.  Santa minus reindeers is below.  Poor old rudolf has been usurped by 700 horse power, four cillindered quad bike with catapillar tracks.  But then I did not see the bike fly, so maybe Rudolf still has the advantage in the high season.

The snow mobile was incredible.  Mikka took me and Rodrigo on the lake a little faster than the ‘normal’ tourists.  This did not suprise me as we carraded through the snow at ridiculous speeds in the dark, always careful not to get too close to the person in front, just in case you hit them; “Snow mobiles slide you see.  And if you feel yourself going over water, just hit the throttle hard and go over it.”  This was another ‘Oh My God Moment.’  Rodrego and I adorned the correct gear and jumped on our bikes after a few novelty photographs with large smiles and waving arms.  And then down to the serious business of turning on the bike and hitting the throttle.  These things go fast, and I mean seriousely fast, charging accross the lake bouncing over all the bumps on the track and occasionally cutting through the virgin snow to make new tracks, scarring yourself now and again as you feel the mobile bouncing out of control underneath you, but then gaining confidence and letting the people in front go forward so that you can hit the throttle full just for a moment; hold on tight, because if you don’t you won’t have a snow mobile underneath you anymore.

We gathered for our ceremony where Christina and Satu had come to judge. They took us around all the sculptures to make their comments.  For my sculpture ‘The nest’  they were “wordless.”  I am now known as “Wordless Wardley”.  It is a good thing that I have nothing important to say.  Fortunately this did not go against me as I won joint first prise with Rodrego.  This was his first snow sculpture and a great success, well done lad.  Natasha came third with her Snail which I thought was great.  Afterwards we got on Santa’s sleigh to celebrate and he pulled us on his quadbike to his log cabin where we were given presents, I hugged him and all was forgiven for his shortage of presents this year.

So now we are just getting ready to find an ice sauna in the forrest, and afterwards take a taste of the local night life. I will have to recover on the plane if I manage to catch it.  Not the first time believe me.

Cheerio for now

Jamie

Today is New Years day and what a marvel it is to behold.  We saw the new year in by seeing a fire work display that was more like a scene from a war movie with low flying fireworks and the worst fire juggler on earth.

“Now I’m going to…has anyone ever tried to do a hand stand? “  We all cheer, if this is anything like the head stand that he did earlier then it is going to be great.  “Well, for my last act I am going to do a hand stand.”  We are all immediately impressed.  “But when I stand on my hands I am going to spin this stick that is ON FIRE with my feet!”  Oh my God.  Fire Man Sam them proceeds to do a hand stand with his burning stick in his feet, he then begins to actually spin the stick which is incredible considering his flailing head stand trick from earlier that looked like a dying spider on fire.  But he then unfortunately drops it.  “Thank you and good night!” he says with a mighty gusto that just earned him 500 euros.  This boy has some front.

Rodrigo was the first on the court, chipping away at his snow sculpture that is called ‘The Shadow.’  I then ambled out, cheerely listening to some more mellow music to start off the day, whilst cosely wrapped in all my warmest cloths to keep out the cold.  Unfortunately, my big down jacket could not protect my eyes.  I went to take some photos and found that my vision was a little difficult, I put this down to the cold wind but was then corrected by Timo who pointed out that I had ice forming on my eye lashes.  Ice should never form on ones eyelash.  It is silly cold here.

To warm up we plodded along to Misses Clauses hut where she serves the most delicious hot hot soup; moose yesterday and salmon today.  When you have six people sat around a table drinking soup at -20 degrees, the scene ironically resembles a Turkish Sauna with all the steam that is produced.  Santa Claus drops by sometimes on his Quad bike and I was lucky enough to have a chat with him over a full bodied cup of coffee poured from the black kettle from the fire.  It seems that Rudolf and the clan are resting up after a heavy Christmas; reindeer soup tomorrow perhaps.  I challenged Santa Clause on why I only received five presents this year.  It seems he has not been that impressed with my behaviour this year.

After having coffee with the Big Man I then had a quick spin on the husky sleigh which is so great everyone should do it.  Husky dogs are the most amazing creatures, grace and power combined with a pinch of speed thrown into the mix; especially on the down hill.

But then I still had a sculpture to make which is why we are here.  I made the eggs for my nest and all is coming along now, it no longer looks like a swirling mess and has developed some good forms.  I was gluing snow twigs on this late evening with buckets of slush that then freezes and holds  them in place.  Unfortunately, the slush also froze around my gloves, so much so that I could no longer move my hands and sculpt; a sculptor with no hands; how are we supposed to work in these condition?  Again, it is silly cold here and forced me to end my day.

So now to end the day it is Sauna time.  Timo says “Hi.”

Today we woke to see the snow falling and the trees bending in the wind that was coming from over the lake.  Wind in -degree conditions is never a good thing as it means that whatever temperature it is, is going to feel a lot worse on the skin; wind chill factor.

We got outside.  “I don’t know what temperature it is” rants Jukka, “perhaps -14, -25 with the wind chill.”  It was cold, my face felt like it was going to fall of my bones.  I take a bottle of water down, and by the time I went to get a sip the spout had frozen and the water was half ice anyway, rather like my boots.

We carved away through the day.  Simmo and I swiftly cut through our blocks of snow with a simple chain from Natasha; from Russia with love.  Natasha joked earlier in the day that my block of snow was so full of earth and moss that I may as well just make a nest.  Well that’s exactly what I was going to make, a simple nest.  We’ll have to see what it turns out like, as with many sculptures it looks a right mess on the first day, and I didn’t disappoint today!  For dinner we made sausages over a BBQ, I cannot believe we had a BBQ in -14, but there you go, four guys stood around a fire like we had no other place to go.  Some tourists came by looking like they wanted to buy our sausages.  I think after a few moments they understood that they were not welcome and that out precious sausages were not for sale.

One good thing that rolled in today, and I hate to say this, was the arrival of my good friend Timo.  He’ll be carving next to me and bought me a balaclava as a late Christmas present to help preserve my precious Yorkshire skin from the Finnish winter.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve, we will see in 2010, or twenty ten as so many people are now calling it.  What will it bring?  The snow and cold if I am not mistaken.  And perhaps a ride on a husky sled.

Cheerio for now

Jamie

After a hard days work Kimmo said

“Thank you for helping me with my hobby.”

“No problem Kimmo.”  Kimmo made a great contribution whilst sat on his quad bike.

We worked like troopers clearing the lake of snow and then cutting blocks of ice from the lake with a chainsaw and then pulling them out with a quad bike.  There was water all over the place which is why I had to drive the quad bike, my boots were not waterproof.  It is a hard life.

Afterwards, some of us started to compact the snow blocks with the digger and a lot of elbow grease, just in the same way that we compact the sand.  This took us well into the night to finish, and when I offered my light to Rodrego, to that he could see the nails he was hammering, he replied: “I do not need a light to see.”  It seems that the Portuguese have supernatural powers.  Stamina however is not one of them, as Rodrigo is now passed out in his room.

So, we are still in the mental asylum, but have missed the witching hour which was 7:15, as all the clocks seemed to have stopped at that time you see.  We now have safety in numbers as there is 7 of us now.  We will have to see how many of us are here tomorrow.

So I step off the train in darkest Finland, it is -10 and there is Kimmo my long time Polar Bear friend waving his big hand at me.  I go up and great him.  Next to him is standing another guy, and so I go to shake his hand, but then I recognise his face from may years ago, but not from cold climes but from somewhere much hotter.  I shake his hand and am met with a warm smile, one that I have not seen for four years perhaps.  This is one of the wonderful things about my job, you are able to bump into people you have not seen for so long in the most bizarre of places.  It is Rodrigo, from the sunniest Portugal where we used to make sand sculptures together.  He had come all the way to Finland to make ice sculptures for the first time.

We drive into the darkness, the roads covered with snow, Kimmo’s van tyres gripping with ease as he flyes around the corners, the trees bending with the weight of the snow.

“So, we are not staying in a hotel.” pipes Kimmo.

“OK, some log cabins then?” I am not being optimistic, we have stayed in them before.

“Not quite.  Remember when we went to the holiday cottage on the lake?”  Log cabin it is then, this was sounding good, picturesque, boats, saunas fire, BBQ, “…Well, there was a mental hospital that you could see on the hill….”  Oh god.  “We are staying there.”

Since I watched the movie the shining as a child, I have since had a slight phobia of long corridors.  Now long corridors in an old mental asylum are something else.

Through the trees I could see the lights around the buildings as we approached, but no lights in the buildings themselves.  This was a little spookey.  Only one building still had some lights on, and had some patients there; we drove past it and pulled up to another deserted building.

“So, here we are.  You don’t mind if I go home do you Jamie?”  Ah, not at all Kimmo, why have three people go insane when you can get away with two.

“…Oh, and the lights do not work on the stairs.”  What a suprise, an old mental asylum with no lights.  So in we went scrambling in the dark to find our room on the third floor, searching the corridors for number 301.  I looked in one room and there was what appeared to be two beds to each side and then a third table with an operating light hanging low from the ceiling.  I don’t think so.

After a time we found our rooms, and it appears to be a cosy enough appartment.  Still, I opted to share a room rather than have one by myself.

Tomorrow we cut some ice and compact the snow for making the sculptures in the grounds.

Good night.

Jamie